Musings for today!

Musings!

What would I do if I hit rock bottom?  What would I do when it seems that the universe is conspiring against me? What is it that would hold me together?  Why would I let it happen?

Of course I am not in trouble.  I am thinking about what if it were me?  Or, what would I do if it happens to a friend?

I always believe that things happen for a reason and yet the controller in me thinks that I determine my destiny.  Of course it does.  Life is a moment to moment choice.  My choices this moment determines what the universe opens up for me the next.  It is like a video game with lots of twists and turns.

As far back as I can remember, I made up my mind that I will go through life with grit and determination.  I always had that vision of being always the best.  Of course best is relative like I found out later.  If I am among the average and I stand out a little more, I become the best of the bunch. There were times that I developed some arrogance during the process until I found out that in other groups, I was just average. As such, I know how to claw back to equality and then stick my head out to be above average.  I don't know if that is good or not but it seems to be holding back my greatness.  Why not be the very best?  Why be contented of being a tad better than others? But that is another story.

I am really concerned about a friend who is going through life's trials.  I know a little about her past, family background and the sort.  She comes from a middle class family and had seen better days in life.

What values had she picked up along the way?  What "fight" is in her?  Does she have the tools to go through life with grit and persistence?  What holds her together?  What is it that she has to prove to the world?  What is her purpose, her vision?

What am I holding back for?  I know for one is -- fear of the unknown;  the need of certainty;  my self-doubt and my qualms about my age.  Am I doing the right thing?  Am I taking advantage of a poor soul?  I asked this from the universe and it is presenting it to me.  Of course, it is not packaged the way I want it to. I recognize that the universe is presenting it to me raw and rough and it is up to me to sculpt this moment to a masterpiece.  What am I hesitating for? Be careful what you wish for; you may get it.

Am I crazy?  Should I walk away?  Is it one of those moments in my life that I let an opportunity go because of fear, self-doubt and self-worth conversations?  Where else in my life does it show?

I know it would be rough.  But then again who knows where the other path would lead me to?  I wanted this.  I dreamt this.  I visualized this.  I created this.  Now what?

I am enough.  I am complete. I am source.  Ready to confront fear?  Ready to face the unknown?  Ready to risk?  BIG RISK = BIG SUCCESS.

Dang these musings.  My heart tells me to go for it.  LIFE IS NOW.